Monday, October 19, 2009

Wearing Your Collar Down is for Poor People

As a consummate collar popper, several  summers ago the girls I was working with showed me this article and I thought it was absolutely hilarious (this is completely tongue in cheek and is not meant to be offensive to anyone. With the state of the economy we could very well all be in the poor house tomorrow... Nevertheless I would be there in full collar popping glory. Mummy always said I would be the best dressed girl in the poor house. )

Wearing Your Collar Down is for Poor People
By I.M. Adick, III

       When my ancestors came over to this great country 400 years ago, they had a vision for a utopia, free from minorities, liberals, poor people, homosexuals, and immigrants. There are few today who share such lofty ideals, but we're easy to find: Pastel polo shirts, loafers without socks, tucked-in shirts, but most importantly, collars up.
        Call me a douchebag. Call me an arrogant little cocksucking dickhead. Beat the shit out of me if I'm not with fifteen of my B-frat friends (unlikely). But just know this: I interned at Smith Barney this summer.  Where did you work? A Blockbuster? That's right you insignificant sack of dogshit; I'm going to be your boss. So take your t-shirt wearing, financial aid, blue-collar ass over to Blockbuster and get me a copy of Old School. Do you even own a tuxedo?
        Look at my girlfriend. You think she'd go for someone who didn't have his collar up? I don't think so. I remember the night I met her. I bought her so many $9 drinks she couldn't even walk. So I drove her home in my BMW 328ci, but not before I took a few "liberties" with her. The next morning I took her to brunch and went to the mall, where I bought her some blouses. You assholes don't know the first thing about being a gentleman. You probably don't even know how to sail.
        When I get out of business school, I'm going to be making $120,000 a year. Add that to my trust fund, and I can buy a country club membership, a ski house, and still have enough money to go barhopping around the city in my designer clothes and shit-eating grin. Maybe I'll offer you a hundred bucks to flip my collar up for me. I earned it you middle-class fuck up. I bet you went to public school.
       You're so predictable. I bet I can guess your political party just by looking at you. My cronies and I range from elitist northern liberals to heartless conservative bastards. I've wasted enough time with you.  Get some rich parents, an internship, and a pink polo with the collar up, and then maybe I'll let you hang out with me.

This was prompted because the night before we had all been out and a rather, lets say "alternative" gentleman comes right up to me and folds the collar down on my oxford and says "ahh much better" I hear my friends gasp, knowing that this was not going to be ok with me. However, I merely reach over and pop his collar for him and say "ahh much better" we both burst out laughing and I told him if he could walk around for the rest of the night with his collar popped I would wear mine down and the loser would have to but the winner a drink. Needless to say I lost. 

I have long been criticized for my collar popping ways but hey its just who I am. In college we had to take a work out class and everyone thought it was hilarious that I showed up in a pale pink lacoste polo with OF COURSE the collar popped. I just dont feel right without it, in the summer it is a popped polo and in the winter a popped oxford, I think I could break out into hives without it. As one of my friends pointed out recently on a picture of my mother at my birthday party this past summer in her collar popped glory " Oh my God collar popping is genetic" It is and I am a carrier. 

Once you pop you can't stop!

 article taken from
 Georgetown Heckler 


  1. LOL! I always turn my sons up too. xoxo


  2. So so funny!! Something my husband could have written!

  3. so funny, I just finished writing a post for this week with popped collars.